I'm Done To A Turn

 Roastwise, that is, Authorblog style...and not a barbecue in sight. I could tell the temperature was rising in the oven already, as I'd been asked by David late on Friday for a Self Portrait to garnish the roast. Panic set in. I'm the one who hides behind the camera, rather than parades before it, and this request could not have come at a less auspicious time. On Wednesday, I'd had half a dozen - wait for it, and promise not to laugh?- Senile Warts (!) on my face, frozen into submission by the dear old Doc. This initially causes a red, blotchy spot which slowly turns black before going the way of all things. Did I want such horror to be spread for all to see? Nah! I opted for an alternative one. My desk, on a good (bad?) day. 

 Never having been the kind of person to do one thing at a time as opposed to umpty- nine, in a very short while I can achieve a collection like the one shown, but I think you need to have it explained... in a messy sort of way, as befits the picture. You have to think of it as the 'Strata Of A Day'. 

 Underneath the pile, ergo where things began, are sundry packs of photographs, scanned and ready to roll on the computer. Rather than put them back in the cupboard, I'd obviously got side-tracked by the pressing need of a spot of sewing. This added a Chinese silk pincushion, and three large perns of thread to the equation. My tiny, silver mobile 'phone perches on top of the snaps - probably after fielding a text from one of the kids, and the lime green, retractable rule has just measured a packet ready for posting.

We have strict postal guidelines these days. I admire the way the green of it compliments the thread nearby, and the box of antiseptic jell over on the right, rubbing shoulders with the Sellotape and parcel tape that had adorned my postal item, and weighing down a few scraps of paper and back-of-envelope shopping notes that it's resting upon...

 See how it all begins to make sense? Well, my kind of sense, anyway. On the left of the photo, a sheaf of papers - receipts, letters, et cetera - are propped between a large turquoise green sellotape dispenser (out of sight) and a plastic box in which I secrete small but useful items like Tippex, pencil leads, erasers, pens. Although most of those have migrated to the top of the box, the inside of the cotton reel, or the pen pot in front of the wooden storage cabinet. 

 This last provides a plinth for the clock, and Elmer the Elephant, who peers down at my home made, jolly Piglet, who stands amongst the knitting needles which gave him birth...Are you still with me? The white, egg shaped mound in the foreground is a wonderful gizmo which holds paper upright when I want to type from a sheet of writing, but also serves to stem the avalanche of desk mess from sliding into my lap. The black and yellow torch beside it has just been given it's dinner of two new batteries, while the remaining two, still in evidence, stand looking on. A calculator in its black sleeve sits on the lid of the box, on top of a pack of pens, and leads the eye to the black of the computer screen. Oh, and don't miss out on the wee green frog resting on the torch. He must have hopped from the plant pot in which he is normally at home. Some things even I can't explain away.

 But I can tell you why I took the photo in the first place. On screen you can see the littlies desk in New Zealand. My niece, their Mum, had thought to blog ' before and after' pictures of it. I thought she deserved to see what a messy desk really looked like. I hope it doesn't run in the family. I, of course, am almost in the picture - I'm behind the white flash on the screen! So this is as close to a self portrait as I could manage, David. Thank you again for asking me to lunch...